(I started this post earlier in the week but life and circumstances have gotten in the way of my posting anything yet. I'm not completely finished with this but I'm going to post what I have with the hopes that I can write tonight after Catholic High's Open House - for which I am volunteering.)
Last week I received an email from a MK friend who I just reconnected with during our SBMK reunion in October. She is my oldest brother's and sister's age so was at ASIJ during the late 60's. When she wrote the email she didn't realize that she was affirming for me exactly the response I had hoped for from someone who didn't or doesn't know me now. I don't plan to share the entire email as it's personal but I do want to share a few of the comments that mean a lot to me.
"I am glad I got to see you as an adult before learning so much about Jack's attacks on you, because I can see that despite his best efforts, he did not destroy you, and you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. I’m not sure what I would’ve pictured if I’d read your blog entries first. I probably would’ve tried to imagine what a mess I’d be if I’d been sexually abused for 3 years by an adult, not to mention a teacher I idealized, and then on top of that, felt I had to keep it all inside. The situation is so shocking that there are no words in the English language to describe it. I’ve been reading your blog since you told me about it and I’ve completely worn out the word “appalling” in my head. It’s come to mind so much that it’s lost its meaning and I need to come up with something stronger to replace it."
I also had lunch with a friend yesterday and she said, "I don't really know how to say this but as I'm reading your blog I see that you aren't wallowing in it." Again, I am very thankful for these kind of responses because as I've tried to express that I'm not seeking pity or even compassion. I've already dealt with the implications of this and have gone through that mess. This is just an attempt to share what this "mess" looks like from the inside.
So thank you friends (you know who you are) for supporting me with your encouraging words.
The other day my husband, oldest son and I stopped at a local chinese restaurant for lunch. As we were walking in a huge billboard above the restaurant posted, "Stop Child Slavery - Go to www.traffickinghope.org" Well, it might be good for you to visit that website. It is amazing how children are still being exploited in this day and age.
That's why when I read an email like the one Michele got from another ASIJ student I continue to be amazed.
Dear Michele,
During our first or second mini-reunion at your house with the girls, the subject of Jack's pedophilia came up. I was appalled and could only think about the children he was now coming in contact with. I did not ask you or the others for permission but when I got back home the first thing I did was call ASIJ.
I said it was an emergency and I received a call back from the headmaster. I recounted to him the tale of sexual abuse I had been made aware of. I had been reading about what a great program Jack was running at Miyake and could only feel fear for those children. Would you believe his (the headmaster's) reaction?
He did not in any way acknowledge Jack's activities, I don't know if he knew or not. All he said to me is "don't you know, he is happily married with children?" And all I could say to him is that "that's never stopped anyone before."
He also said that the Miyake children were always with many people and never alone with Jack anyway. To that, I responded that if that's what he thought of Jack, then Jack should not be with children. And then I heard nothing about it, not from him, the Board, nothing.
When was that Michele? 1996 or 1997?
Does that mean that the headmaster did nothing to tell the school that I had contacted him or confront Jack till 2003? 8 long years? I hope not but who knows.
I'm so glad you finally had the courage and conviction to confront him and the school.
Now, what to do about the headmaster if indeed he did nothing from when he talked with me untill 2003?
Much love, ( I deleted the name of the person who wrote the email.)
So again and again and again the school was told, given an opportunity to something and they did nothing!! Unbelievable.
I must run and get ready for work but will begin tonight to tackle December of 2003. As more and more communications came in from different people the list and number of those he abused continued to grow. Well beyond his own memory of those girls. That is another example of his narcissistic psychopathy that continued to prevail in his emails.
Sorry I've been so long in posting. I'll get back on track and hopefully get through this story before too long. As always, I love to hear feedback so keep on commenting as I go along. Stay posted!! Protect your children. Give to organizations who help protect children!!
Janet, you posted recently that you were surprised how hard this is, that you felt like you had dealt with all those feelings, or something to that effect. I can't imagine that you would ever be able to tell the story without those feelings re-emerging. I think looking back on any traumatic event will always elicit at least SOME of the initial feelings. But I also believe that putting those feelings into words has a great healing power, and hope that you have found/are finding the same. I'm way impressed that you seem to be living a relatively "normal" life after having been through all this. Hooray for overcoming evil with good.
ReplyDeleteDeborah - You are absolutely right!! It is hard to do this without emotions. Sometimes mostly disgust. But, I am finding that those emotions are beginning to dissipate as I continue to write, which is good. Thanks for continuing to read. The next few posts will be quite revealing. I guess that's why I've procrastinated. When you read it you'll see what I mean. Gotta run. Janet
ReplyDeleteJune 5, 2016. I'm rereading some of your blog today because there is a scandal about a pedophile teacher in Chappaqua, New York. I came across the account, above, about the discussion with the headmaster. The headmaster was Ray Downs (an ignorant human being)and that was me on the other end of the phone with him. With much admiration for you and your "sisters." Ann Rabinowitz '73 Dantzig
ReplyDelete