Thursday, August 19, 2010

Read from the bottom up

If this is your first time to this blog. Please start at day one and read from the bottom up. Evidently, I am unable to change the chronology. Sorry for the problems. Thanks for reading. Janet

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Day Sixty - two

Jack returned from the Philippines after the Christmas and New Year holiday, and we put on the pressure. He was still resistant, not wanting to admit that working with children was not okay. He was concerned about his reputation. We sent several correspondences requesting that he stop working with children through his schools through-out Japan. He continued to try to convince us that he didn't have anything to "do" with the children and that the only reason his picture was on the website showing him working with children was for a photo op. We began putting on the pressure for him to cease and desist. He continued to resist. We continued to pressure.

On January 10, 2004, roughly 5:30p.m.EST, as I was getting ready to go out for the evening with my husband, I received a call from a friend and fellow SBMK. She said, "Janet, I don't know if you heard or not, but Jack was found dead in Tokyo. They think he committed suicide."

I remember sitting on my bed, letting the realization sink in. My biggest fear, the thing I did not want to happen, just came to realization. As I sat on my bed, many different feelings came to pass. Some feelings of relief, others of guilt, and then those of quiet contemplation. I remembered wanting Jack's approval. I remembered wanting to fit in and he provided that. I remembered wanting to be one of the "cool" kids. I remembered the confusion. I remembered wanting to be accepted for me, not for just some - body. I remembered being vulnerable and gullible (I still am to a certain degree). I remember being called TH&H - totally helpless and hopeless, I remembered telling him "no" and then being an outcast, non-entity, a reject. Then I remembered picking up the pieces and making it on my own. Returning to my "homeland" at 17 - just turned 17 - and my "homeland" wasn't my own. I was still so young. Still so vulnerable. Still so susceptible. But, GOD, in His incredible grace and sovereign knowledge,and infinite mercy placed me in His arms and made me strong. He helped me get through it. I was going to be okay. I made it this far didn't I?

I called Michele. She found out early that morning. She didn't want to tell me. I understood why. But, I was a lot better than even I thought I would be. I was determined not to let him overcome me or over power me, even in his death.

My husband and I continued with our plans that night. Both Michele and I realized we had to address this the next day. But, life would go on. Our horrible past would still live. And we all were NOT better for the outcome. But somehow, we were able to persevere.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Day Sixty-one

I have promised that I would complete this blog. There is still a lot of stuff that I haven't had a chance to review, however, in order to end the story, I believe it's important to continue.

After Jack responded to our request. He went to Singapore to see his family. I assume he spoke with his wife during that time and explained to her what was going on. We sent several more emails, insisting on his admission of his proclivities.

On Saturday, January 10, 2004 that morning, I was reading the Psalms. The following words laid before me.

Psalm 10:

Why O Lord, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
He boasts of the cravings of his heart;
He blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord.
In his pride the wicked does not seek him;
In all his thoughts there is nor room for God.
His ways are prosperous; he is haughty and your laws are far from him;
He sneers at all his enemies;
He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me. I will always be happy and never have trouble." His mouth is full of curses and lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent, watching in secret for his victims. He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. His victims are crushed they collapse; they fall under his strength.
He says to himself, "God has forgotten; he covers his face and never sees."
Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless. Why does the wicked man revile God? Why does he say to himself, "He won't call me to account"?
But, you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out. The Lord is King for ever and ever, the nations will perish from his land. You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

I read this the morning of Saturday, January 10, 2004.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Day Sixty

I promise I will get back to writing as soon as my life settles down. I do have a request, though, will someone please translate the comment on Day 59. It looks like it might be in Chinese. I can't begin to start translating it myself. Thanks so much for your help!!

The comment was spam so I deleted it. Sorry to bother you guys!!

Day Fifty-Nine

I guess you can imagine our reaction to this response. Unbelievable!! Can you believe that he actual equated the physical abuse to a relationship? Doesn't this show you how sick he was and how sick people can be? The really hard part for me was that the only recollection he had of his abuse of me was driving in a car and him putting his hand under my shirt. He didn't remember placing my futon next to his in the middle room at night. He didn't remember! I wonder if that's why he was so incensed that I was upset? To him, I was just another slight mistake.  He also didn't remember running the dogs with me on the golf course and he said our "relationship" began in 1971  at the end of my seventh grade year.  It actually began in the beginning of my seventh grade year in 1970.

It's amazing to me how he continues to use the word "crush". Or he would say, "I really liked her." As if sexually molesting an eleven year old was a "relationship".

Another interesting observation is that he didn't remember everyone. I do think that if I had not been involved in his exposure, he might not have remembered me. As the crowd from the 90's said, "Whatever!!"

It is going to take some time to filter through the rest of the emails from Michele. Thank you for continuing to follow through all of this. It may take several more weeks/months. Please write and let me know your thoughts. Have a wonderful Christmas.

I will finish!!