Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Day Fifty-eight Jack's response

I wrote this Wednesday night but chose to wait until now to post. Didn't want to mess up anyone's Thanksgiving. I hope it was great!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009
First and foremost - Happy Thanksgiving!! For some reason I have been extra excited about the holidays this year. We were going to go to my Dad's (out in the beautiful Mississippi country) guessed kept us from leaving town. The Catholic High Bears are proceeding to the quarter finals and Friday night we face Acadiana - from Lafayette, LA. It will be an interesting night. The boys have practiced all week, even Thanksgiving morning. Talk about dedication.

I have been busy with work and getting ready for everyone to come to my house so I haven't had any opportunity to sit down and write. However, now that most of my house is asleep and I'm still up cooking for tomorrow, I thought I would use the bake time for the cornbread to sit down and write.

After Michele and I sent the two emails on December 5. We received the following email back from Jack. I will caution you about several things. I'm only going to edit people's names and any identifiable reference, otherwise, everything else is exactly the way Jack wrote it. Please don't read it if you are easily offended. If you are offended, please take it out on a sex offender and not me.

We received this response somewhere around Dec. 6 or 7.
Hi, Michele. I will do my best to answer your questions, plus a couple that Janet asked me in another mail and requested that I answer to you.

I will definitely do my best. Obviously, this is deeply on my mind, and I will be thinking a lot about it while I am in the Philippines. It is possible that I really have forgotten an incident, but I don't think so. I will add anything that I remember after I get back from the Philippines. True, I did not list everybody in my first responses to you and Janet. I was still at the self-defense, panic stage. I was not yet willing to accept my guilt...which I had managed to put into the back of my mind and hope it would just go away. Much has happened within me in the last three weeks, and I am ready to face it, as I did with my wife two days ago.

1. My first encounter was with XXX in the late 60's., It was in the summer between her junior and senior year in high school, and it was before I was given my Miyake house. We had another house in Tsubota, where 8 high school seniors (recent juniors) (4 boys and 4 girls) acted as teaching assistants to the local English teachers at the three middle schools and one high school on Miyake. I don't remember how it started. The first affectionate encounter I remember was when she gave me a massage one evening during the program. I was attracted to her, and I felt a real affection for her. She came back later in the summer, and it was then, that we had our first sex. We went for a walk to the rocky shore below Tsubota and she masturbated me. I don't remember for sure, but I think I kissed her breasts. I did many times later, because our relationship became deep during her senior year. There was no sexual intercourse but once we put ketchup on each others private parts and licked it off. Much of our relationship was in several visits to the hotel Okura, and lasted about 2 hours. We planned to get married. My former wife had left me and I decided to file for a divorce. She came back, and XXX and I announced to her our decision to get married. XXX went off to college, promising to come back, but, of course, her interests and perspective changed in college and she never came back...but she sent both of her kids to the ASIJ Miyake Program, obviously not expecting me to harm them. She was 17 when the relationship started, and 18 or possibly 19 when it ended.

2. I do not remember her name. I have tried hard. She came to Miyake for a visit with her friends (two of whom he named - can't remember her name but could remember her friends name?) I slept next to her, and I kissed her several times on the lips before we went to sleep on two of the three nights they were there. It was the year that I was given my Miyake house. It was during the rainy season, so it must have been just after school got out. She was a 7th grader, so she was probably 12.

3. XXX I had become attracted to her when she was in 7th grade. My first abuse of XXX was at Miyake during the summer of her 7th grade year. I used to rub and kiss her legs and feet...I slept at the foot of her futon. Once I looked at, but did not touch, her breast. I was too selfish and stupid at the time to know it, but I really, really upset her and hurt her. She told me in two letters some years later how deeply it hurt her. I do not know where she is now. I remember late 60's early 70's as the period this took place.

4. XXX. At the same time as above. The story is almost identical. I fondled and kissed her legs and feet. I later massaged her buttocks, but nothing else. I really had a crush on her, and after she moved (in 8th grade), I wrote to her EVERY day. I visited her at her knew location. It was she who told me that my mother had died (she did not know it was suicide). She also told me to stop writing letters because her sister was "getting suspicious". She threw all of my letters into a culvert during a heavy rainstorm. We never were in contact again after my visit.

5. XXX. I was first attracted to her during the very first Miyake Program. She came back for the summer, when her family traveled around the world. She slept in her bikini, and I used to kiss her all over her body (but never on her genitals, which I never saw). Again, I really had a crush on her. She returned to Miyake until she moved back to the states. I cried as I watched her plane getting smaller in the distance when she left Miyake-jima for the last time.

6. XXX I first met XXX during the Miyake Program at the end of her 7th grade year, I believe. She says that she was 11, I assumed she was 12 because most 7th graders are. Obviously, both 11 and 12 are under 17. It started when she asked if she could steer the car. I let her sit on my lap and steer. She was wearing a T-shirt and no bra. I reached under the T-shirt and fondled her breasts. We did this many times. XXX came to Miyake many times. I remember nothing sexually that happened at night or in bed, but I do clearly remember the fondling of her breasts in the car.

7. XXX It began when she was in grade 8. She was living in a missionary dorm. We would walk my dogs together each morning. She came to my house and knocked on the door. One morning, I wasn't fully dressed when I let her in. I had become attached to her and I suppose I had hugged her previously. At any rate, on this morning, she masturbated me, and it became a daily affair. I would not lock the door. She would just come in in the morning, crawl in bed with me, and masturbate me. I can't remember if oral sex was involved at that time, but I am sure that I must have kissed her breasts. Later, we had very intense oral sex, leading to orgasms for both of us. XXX took a trip to the Yaeyama Islands with me and spent several summers at Miyake, during my lab days (when I was doing my most significant research). Later she moved into my house near ASIJ, and we had periodic sex. Janet asked more details about our recent contact. I had written to XXX in the 1980s and asked her to come and join me. I wanted a permanent relationship with her. But, obviously, she had a child, with school needs, and I had no income and lived on Miyake. It was not in the cards. I met my wife a couple of years later, and my life changed magnificently! Later, XXX called me on the phone and asked me about my pedophile tendencies. I denied them and I probably told her that she was the only one. I was very scared and put up a self-defense shield (much like my first reactions to both of you). I apologized, but I never asked her (until a few days ago) to tell her side of the story. Once, I really hurt her. It was the last time we slept together. I was feeling very sad already, because XXX (who has subsequently passed away) was leaving Miyake. She was married and had been living on Miyake for some time. I was "father of the bride" at their wedding. My relationship with her was clean and totally adult and nonsexual. After intercourse with XXX, I was feeling sad about XXX departure the next day, and I also mentioned that I was feeling sad about XXX departure. This really hurt XXX! I will never forget it! I had no intention of hurting her, and I never should have mentioned my sadness over the departure of another woman (a superb friend, but not a sexual or romantic partner). I suppose this is one of the wounds that I left on XXX. I have asked for XXX story, and I wonder if this particular episode will come up. Last year I sent her a Christmas card. She didn't answer it. On several occasions we had sexual intercourse. The relationship began in early 70's.

8. XXX Late 70's? In her 8th grade year. We were walking my dogs on the golf course. I held her hand. She said, "I know what you want. Let's go back." We went to my house. We both stripped and we embraced for a long time, but we did not fondle or kiss or touch each other, other than the hugging embrace. I remember saying, "Thank God for you."

9. XXX Grade 8, so 13? In the mid- to late 70s. I had coached her basketball team and she had been to Miyake. It was on a field trip to Miyake, but the boat got canceled and we went to the southern Miura Peninsula instead. I slept next to her, hugged her, kissed her, fondled her breasts and even touched her vagina. I had a special liking for her for a long time before that. We never had another encounter,
but she wrote a wonderful letter about me to XXX at the time of the volcano. I suppose she did not understand that I had abused other girls, too.

10. XXX was in high school...late 70's. We had become friends walking my dogs in Tokyo, and I first molested her by fondling her legs and feet. I think she was about 15 at the time. She was older when I did the worst thing to her. We went to Miyake together, and I pressured her into undressing. She protested, but at night we slept side by side, and she masturbated me and I had oral sex with her. I recall no episode when she was 9 years old. Maybe she meant 9th grade. I seriously recall no episode other than those I have told you about. She was under 18 however, in all of our encounters. There were several times when she came to my house after school and I fondled her legs. In my memory, it was after 7th grade, which would have made her older than what you have told me.

11. XXX was my last pedophilic encounter. It happened on a trip to Miyake. I got drunk, which in itself is enough to get me fired from ASIJ. I undressed her and had oral sex with her. She would not touch me and seemed scared. I felt very guilty afterward, and perhaps she was one of the key reasons I swore to myself to change my life. She was in grade 8, I think... maybe as late as early to mid 80's. She wrote me once after she returned to the states a couple of years later. It was a friendly letter. I have no idea what has happened since.

12. XXX...late 70's early 80's. She came to me to ask for help. She had been sexually approached by a high school kid...I don't remember his name. I had a high profile scientist guest at the time, and listened to XXX story outside. We developed a strong bond, starting at that time and continuing when she was having problems at ASIJ. I helped her out and she and her family were very grateful to me. This was the last and the most painful of my relationships with anyone, kids to adults, until I met and married my wife...which was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I did not mention it before, because we had promised each other not to ever tell anyone.

It took about two years before my wife and my pair bond was solid and wonderful. I hated myself and she hated herself. That is not a good combination. But, we healed each other to a large extent...that's another story.

I found my wife. I said earlier in an email that she had truly saved me, and I honestly believe that. There are others towards whom I was attracted, but whom I never abused: XXX - Age 12. I gave her one of the gifts that XXX gave me, with XXX's permission, of course. XXX 13, I touched her legs and feet. Is that abuse? I guess it is. It was at Miyake and I had been giving her diving lessons. XXX, I admired her courage, both as a scuba diver (she was scared of deep water) and as a gymnast. I liked her. I never abused her. XXX (first met at Miyake, when she was 12. She is still my good friend and I sometimes see her. I never abused her in any way. She has become a good marine biologist.

Also friends, in Michele's era XXX, XXX, and XXX I never abused them, but I liked them a lot. XXX and XXX came to visit me several years ago at Miyake. Both were married to criminal lawyers and had families. XXX was considering going back to college to study marine biology. She wrote me a letter later on.

I honestly think that that about covers it. I am thinking about this almost
all of the time. If other things come back to me during my Philippine
trip, I will relate them to you. I am sincerely trying to let it all out. I
had feelings after each of these encounters. I will relate them to you
if you want me to...but they are about me, and not about my victims.
I hope this is a satisfactory beginning. This is frightening, because
people actually do forget. I am really trying to face this and be totally
honest.   Jack

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Day Fifty-seven

I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get back to the computer. Of course, football is still consuming our lives. Wil's team made it to the State Playoffs. They won the first two games so that has pretty much determined what we are doing for Thanksgiving. He has practice on Thanksgiving morning so we're staying in BR and Daddy and Chuck's mom are coming here. We should have some fun!!

As I mentioned before, Michele was looking at creating a website that would have exposed Jack publicly. She went ahead and set up a domain name which was: As I'm reminded about all of this and re-reading the emails that went back and forth between Michele and my oldest brother about setting up a website and other stuff, I remember the feeling of fear I had during this time. I know previously I shared my feelings of fear. Now that I look back on that, I think my fear was more for him and his reaction than it was for my own exposure. Remember that I shared with my counselor friend that I was most scared that Jack would commit suicide. I don't really know for sure what I wanted to gain from all this and I guess to some degree I believed him. But, not being certain I had to make sure other children wouldn't suffer through what  others and I had suffered. But, even so still my concern was for his well being. That's just weird.

In one of the articles about Jaycee Dugard, the young woman who was held captive by her abuser for 18 years, a therapist describes how the victim often begins relating to the abuser. This is more common than you think, even having been named by the psychiatrist and criminologist from the case in Stockholm where bank robbers held bank employees hostage for 6 days and the victims became attached emotionally to the bank robbers and defended them after they were freed - thus the name Stockholm Syndrome.

From the Jaycee Dugard Article:
Kryder, who has worked extensively with trauma victims in her Colorado Springs practice, says that over the years, Jaycee was very probably subjected to “intermittent reinforcement.” In such cases, Kryder stated, “the captor alternates between being cruel and kind.” This behavior, Kryder says, has a stronger effect on the victim than if the captor was always kind or always cruel. And it leads, she says, to a condition known as “traumatic bonding.” In other words, despite her horrific mistreatment, Jaycee still has (as she herself told her family) positive feelings toward her captor.

That also explains how, even though I had been sexually abused for three years, even after Michele helped me, when I returned to Tokyo after our year long furlough, I immediately went to find Jack at Tokyo Bay. And why his dismissal of me was so deflating.

Okay, now back to the sequential emails. After my angry response to Michele regarding Jack's email to her, she wrote me back later on Dec. 3.

Dear Janet,

Good response. I like the way you find things that I miss. It's almost too much to absorb, isn't it. It's part of my denial still. I am going to use some of these points when I get around to composing a letter to Jack.

I have tried calling his wife at all hours. Her maid answers. I called at 8am. I called at 9pm. I called midday for her. My last call the maid gave me her cell phone. I couldn't get through from here. The maid either lives in, or was left all afternoon with the kids. Something is not right.

Hey Janet, this woman has a cell phone and a maid. This is what Jack calls poverty? I think not. I have found it takes a while to get a response, if we are lucky enough to get one at all. _______ was proof of that. I never thought I would hear from her, but I guess it's just such a shock.

This is just a thought. Would you consider addressing Jack directly with your thoughts? Or do you not want to re-open Pandora's box. I will make these points when I write him. It will take me a few days. There is just so much to deal with. And, I want to talk to his wife next.


My response to Michele:

Yea, I found it very interesting that they have a maid and a cell phone. I also have a cell phone, but most certainly don't have a MAID.

I like the fact that Jack thinks he's going behind my back when he's speaking with you. It seems to give him justification in presenting his side as reasonable. It appears interesting to me that he thinks he's got you on his side. I just wonder if maybe we (together) wrote the response, but you came at it as if you were trying to help me understand him and that you are like the mediator. That way he can say the things against me to make you more understand him and we'll get more truth out of it. What do you think? Janet

Michele's reply:

You are right. Playing good cop bad cop always works. Why don't you start by writing a response and send it to me. Then I can add to it. But remember, I still want to (1) talk to his wife (2) get his list of victims and (3) get a list of schools he teaches at. Michele

Keep in mind that during this time we are still being contacted by former students from ASIJ. Do you remember the girl I told you about who actually lived with Jack at his house when she was a sophomore in high school? She told Michele and me that when she confronted Jack about her abuse, he told her she was the only young person with whom he had a relationship. I assume she asked him if she was the only one or were there others.

After the previous emails I was really mad at Jack. He wasn't being straight with us (what did we expect). We were working with a counseling group in Japan called TELL (Tokyo English Life Line), which had been set up during the 70's to provide a crisis hotline for English speaking people in Japan. They were willing to help us verify that Jack was doing what we asked him to do. Also, we were able to check out his story about his counseling sessions with the psychologist he was claiming to use.

On December 5 I sent Jack the following email:

I have been reading your correspondence back and forth to Michele. This is growing very tiresome and making me very weary. To say the least, it's taking a tremendous amount of energy away from my children and family.

Believe it or not, Michele and I do not have a vindictive vendetta and are not "out to get you", much to your disappointment, I'm sure. This is not about you anymore. It's about protecting children from you.

You tell us that you are not abusing children anymore and haven't for 20 years. You want us to take your word. Your word is about as worthless as the email being sent. According to xxx, you lied to her last year and told her that she was the only person you sexually abused. Imagine her amazement when we talked and I told her she was one of many.

You have yet to identify all your victims. I know of at least three people you didn't name. Do you remember them?

It's obvious to me that we cannot convince you that you are and always will be dangerous to children. You have asked, "what can I do to prove it to you?" I have come up with some tangible ways that you can prove to us that you are no longer a threat to children. Michele and I are not responsible to come up with ways you can prove to us, you must take responsibility for that. We have already suffered 30 or more years of this. I'm ready for it to be over and quickly!!

1. Contact ASIJ and admit your abuse to their students, identify them and give them details. In addition, talk with them about any consequences or actions they might like to take.

2. Contact TELL, the agency in Japan that works with children and others who have psychological issues and communicate with them and come up with a plan that will convince Michele and me that you are no longer working with children.

3. Inform all the organizations you are working with about your past behavior. Come up with a plan that would prove to Michele and me that you have done this. Maybe they can communicate to someone at TELL or another agreeable source.

4. Tell your wife the truth about the ages of your abuse victims. Have her contact us to let us know that you have done so.

6. Stay in psychological care until the day you die and have a plan that communicates your progress to an acceptable mediator that can communicate with us from time to time your progress.

7. Register your name with the Child Sexual Offender registry. If there is no such registry in Japan, find another acceptable substitute for us.

At the same time, Michele sent Jack this email below. My next post will be his response. You will find it UNBELIEVABLE!!

Dear Jack,

I spoke to your wife. That part of the mission is accomplished. The following is our next step. Please answer all these questions. Jack, I'm going to caution you that if give us any more pat answers I am not going to tolerate it. We have caught you lying several times already. We have a list of victims, and if you miss one, we will not accept "forgot" as any excuse. It should be thorough, and it better include them all. If you don't remember a name, say so, but indicate an age, time and what happened. Remember the definition "under 18."


On December 8 I wrote the following:


I will write my story while you are gone to the Philippines. While you are gone I want you to be thinking about some things.  

However, before you leave I'd like you to answer these questions and send them to Michele. I hesitate to get back into a dialogue with you that's why I don't want  you to send me the answers.  

1.  What about xxxx?
2.  Tell me how you were in communications with xxx last year and what you told her.  There are some conflicting statements and I'm having a difficult time "taking your word" because of them. 
3.  While you are gone I'd really like for you to think about your victims.  There are several you have't named.  I want a more complete list.  Make sure you include everyone who falls under the following categories:

The definition of a victim quoted from the book "Child Abuse and Neglect."  Dr. Carol C. Nadelson, Author.  "Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child or adolescent under 18 by a person who has power over that youth.  Sexual abuse that involves physical contact could entail fondling the child's genitals, getting the child to fondle the offenders genitals, rubbing the offenders genitals on the child, engaging in oral sex, or making anal or vaginal penetration."  THIS CONSTITUTES ABUSE WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CONSENSUAL!  A CHILD IS NOT ABLE TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH AN ADULT!  I'm going to add a little more I believe she neglected.  
Any person who you approached but didn't actually engage would fall under a lessor but some form of abuse.  This includes, but is not limited to, climbing into bed with them regardless of what you did once there.  If you wouldn't do it in front of another adult assume it was abuse.  Even verbal propositioning....
4.  You have stated multiple times that the children you molested were in the 70's era.  If this is so what caused you to stop?  What happened in 84 for you to leave ASIJ?  Please give us extensive details of all of this.  

This is an extremely difficult but necessary process.  Believe me when I say this, it is not a delight to Michele or me.  We would much rather be spending our time doing thousands of other things, however, until we feel we have accomplished our goal of making sure no other child is a potential victim, we will continue.  Trust is a funny thing.  It takes years to build but only one second to tear down. We've only been in touch with you for three weeks.  Trust takes years.  

Please send your response to Michele and I will get back with you after you return.  Janet

Stay tuned to his response.