Sunday, November 22, 2009

Day Fifty-seven

I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get back to the computer. Of course, football is still consuming our lives. Wil's team made it to the State Playoffs. They won the first two games so that has pretty much determined what we are doing for Thanksgiving. He has practice on Thanksgiving morning so we're staying in BR and Daddy and Chuck's mom are coming here. We should have some fun!!

As I mentioned before, Michele was looking at creating a website that would have exposed Jack publicly. She went ahead and set up a domain name which was: As I'm reminded about all of this and re-reading the emails that went back and forth between Michele and my oldest brother about setting up a website and other stuff, I remember the feeling of fear I had during this time. I know previously I shared my feelings of fear. Now that I look back on that, I think my fear was more for him and his reaction than it was for my own exposure. Remember that I shared with my counselor friend that I was most scared that Jack would commit suicide. I don't really know for sure what I wanted to gain from all this and I guess to some degree I believed him. But, not being certain I had to make sure other children wouldn't suffer through what  others and I had suffered. But, even so still my concern was for his well being. That's just weird.

In one of the articles about Jaycee Dugard, the young woman who was held captive by her abuser for 18 years, a therapist describes how the victim often begins relating to the abuser. This is more common than you think, even having been named by the psychiatrist and criminologist from the case in Stockholm where bank robbers held bank employees hostage for 6 days and the victims became attached emotionally to the bank robbers and defended them after they were freed - thus the name Stockholm Syndrome.

From the Jaycee Dugard Article:
Kryder, who has worked extensively with trauma victims in her Colorado Springs practice, says that over the years, Jaycee was very probably subjected to “intermittent reinforcement.” In such cases, Kryder stated, “the captor alternates between being cruel and kind.” This behavior, Kryder says, has a stronger effect on the victim than if the captor was always kind or always cruel. And it leads, she says, to a condition known as “traumatic bonding.” In other words, despite her horrific mistreatment, Jaycee still has (as she herself told her family) positive feelings toward her captor.

That also explains how, even though I had been sexually abused for three years, even after Michele helped me, when I returned to Tokyo after our year long furlough, I immediately went to find Jack at Tokyo Bay. And why his dismissal of me was so deflating.

Okay, now back to the sequential emails. After my angry response to Michele regarding Jack's email to her, she wrote me back later on Dec. 3.

Dear Janet,

Good response. I like the way you find things that I miss. It's almost too much to absorb, isn't it. It's part of my denial still. I am going to use some of these points when I get around to composing a letter to Jack.

I have tried calling his wife at all hours. Her maid answers. I called at 8am. I called at 9pm. I called midday for her. My last call the maid gave me her cell phone. I couldn't get through from here. The maid either lives in, or was left all afternoon with the kids. Something is not right.

Hey Janet, this woman has a cell phone and a maid. This is what Jack calls poverty? I think not. I have found it takes a while to get a response, if we are lucky enough to get one at all. _______ was proof of that. I never thought I would hear from her, but I guess it's just such a shock.

This is just a thought. Would you consider addressing Jack directly with your thoughts? Or do you not want to re-open Pandora's box. I will make these points when I write him. It will take me a few days. There is just so much to deal with. And, I want to talk to his wife next.


My response to Michele:

Yea, I found it very interesting that they have a maid and a cell phone. I also have a cell phone, but most certainly don't have a MAID.

I like the fact that Jack thinks he's going behind my back when he's speaking with you. It seems to give him justification in presenting his side as reasonable. It appears interesting to me that he thinks he's got you on his side. I just wonder if maybe we (together) wrote the response, but you came at it as if you were trying to help me understand him and that you are like the mediator. That way he can say the things against me to make you more understand him and we'll get more truth out of it. What do you think? Janet

Michele's reply:

You are right. Playing good cop bad cop always works. Why don't you start by writing a response and send it to me. Then I can add to it. But remember, I still want to (1) talk to his wife (2) get his list of victims and (3) get a list of schools he teaches at. Michele

Keep in mind that during this time we are still being contacted by former students from ASIJ. Do you remember the girl I told you about who actually lived with Jack at his house when she was a sophomore in high school? She told Michele and me that when she confronted Jack about her abuse, he told her she was the only young person with whom he had a relationship. I assume she asked him if she was the only one or were there others.

After the previous emails I was really mad at Jack. He wasn't being straight with us (what did we expect). We were working with a counseling group in Japan called TELL (Tokyo English Life Line), which had been set up during the 70's to provide a crisis hotline for English speaking people in Japan. They were willing to help us verify that Jack was doing what we asked him to do. Also, we were able to check out his story about his counseling sessions with the psychologist he was claiming to use.

On December 5 I sent Jack the following email:

I have been reading your correspondence back and forth to Michele. This is growing very tiresome and making me very weary. To say the least, it's taking a tremendous amount of energy away from my children and family.

Believe it or not, Michele and I do not have a vindictive vendetta and are not "out to get you", much to your disappointment, I'm sure. This is not about you anymore. It's about protecting children from you.

You tell us that you are not abusing children anymore and haven't for 20 years. You want us to take your word. Your word is about as worthless as the email being sent. According to xxx, you lied to her last year and told her that she was the only person you sexually abused. Imagine her amazement when we talked and I told her she was one of many.

You have yet to identify all your victims. I know of at least three people you didn't name. Do you remember them?

It's obvious to me that we cannot convince you that you are and always will be dangerous to children. You have asked, "what can I do to prove it to you?" I have come up with some tangible ways that you can prove to us that you are no longer a threat to children. Michele and I are not responsible to come up with ways you can prove to us, you must take responsibility for that. We have already suffered 30 or more years of this. I'm ready for it to be over and quickly!!

1. Contact ASIJ and admit your abuse to their students, identify them and give them details. In addition, talk with them about any consequences or actions they might like to take.

2. Contact TELL, the agency in Japan that works with children and others who have psychological issues and communicate with them and come up with a plan that will convince Michele and me that you are no longer working with children.

3. Inform all the organizations you are working with about your past behavior. Come up with a plan that would prove to Michele and me that you have done this. Maybe they can communicate to someone at TELL or another agreeable source.

4. Tell your wife the truth about the ages of your abuse victims. Have her contact us to let us know that you have done so.

6. Stay in psychological care until the day you die and have a plan that communicates your progress to an acceptable mediator that can communicate with us from time to time your progress.

7. Register your name with the Child Sexual Offender registry. If there is no such registry in Japan, find another acceptable substitute for us.

At the same time, Michele sent Jack this email below. My next post will be his response. You will find it UNBELIEVABLE!!

Dear Jack,

I spoke to your wife. That part of the mission is accomplished. The following is our next step. Please answer all these questions. Jack, I'm going to caution you that if give us any more pat answers I am not going to tolerate it. We have caught you lying several times already. We have a list of victims, and if you miss one, we will not accept "forgot" as any excuse. It should be thorough, and it better include them all. If you don't remember a name, say so, but indicate an age, time and what happened. Remember the definition "under 18."


On December 8 I wrote the following:


I will write my story while you are gone to the Philippines. While you are gone I want you to be thinking about some things.  

However, before you leave I'd like you to answer these questions and send them to Michele. I hesitate to get back into a dialogue with you that's why I don't want  you to send me the answers.  

1.  What about xxxx?
2.  Tell me how you were in communications with xxx last year and what you told her.  There are some conflicting statements and I'm having a difficult time "taking your word" because of them. 
3.  While you are gone I'd really like for you to think about your victims.  There are several you have't named.  I want a more complete list.  Make sure you include everyone who falls under the following categories:

The definition of a victim quoted from the book "Child Abuse and Neglect."  Dr. Carol C. Nadelson, Author.  "Child sexual abuse is any sexual behavior directed toward a child or adolescent under 18 by a person who has power over that youth.  Sexual abuse that involves physical contact could entail fondling the child's genitals, getting the child to fondle the offenders genitals, rubbing the offenders genitals on the child, engaging in oral sex, or making anal or vaginal penetration."  THIS CONSTITUTES ABUSE WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CONSENSUAL!  A CHILD IS NOT ABLE TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH AN ADULT!  I'm going to add a little more I believe she neglected.  
Any person who you approached but didn't actually engage would fall under a lessor but some form of abuse.  This includes, but is not limited to, climbing into bed with them regardless of what you did once there.  If you wouldn't do it in front of another adult assume it was abuse.  Even verbal propositioning....
4.  You have stated multiple times that the children you molested were in the 70's era.  If this is so what caused you to stop?  What happened in 84 for you to leave ASIJ?  Please give us extensive details of all of this.  

This is an extremely difficult but necessary process.  Believe me when I say this, it is not a delight to Michele or me.  We would much rather be spending our time doing thousands of other things, however, until we feel we have accomplished our goal of making sure no other child is a potential victim, we will continue.  Trust is a funny thing.  It takes years to build but only one second to tear down. We've only been in touch with you for three weeks.  Trust takes years.  

Please send your response to Michele and I will get back with you after you return.  Janet

Stay tuned to his response.

No comments:

Post a Comment