Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Day Fifty-eight Jack's response

I wrote this Wednesday night but chose to wait until now to post. Didn't want to mess up anyone's Thanksgiving. I hope it was great!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009
First and foremost - Happy Thanksgiving!! For some reason I have been extra excited about the holidays this year. We were going to go to my Dad's (out in the beautiful Mississippi country) guessed kept us from leaving town. The Catholic High Bears are proceeding to the quarter finals and Friday night we face Acadiana - from Lafayette, LA. It will be an interesting night. The boys have practiced all week, even Thanksgiving morning. Talk about dedication.

I have been busy with work and getting ready for everyone to come to my house so I haven't had any opportunity to sit down and write. However, now that most of my house is asleep and I'm still up cooking for tomorrow, I thought I would use the bake time for the cornbread to sit down and write.

After Michele and I sent the two emails on December 5. We received the following email back from Jack. I will caution you about several things. I'm only going to edit people's names and any identifiable reference, otherwise, everything else is exactly the way Jack wrote it. Please don't read it if you are easily offended. If you are offended, please take it out on a sex offender and not me.

We received this response somewhere around Dec. 6 or 7.
Hi, Michele. I will do my best to answer your questions, plus a couple that Janet asked me in another mail and requested that I answer to you.

I will definitely do my best. Obviously, this is deeply on my mind, and I will be thinking a lot about it while I am in the Philippines. It is possible that I really have forgotten an incident, but I don't think so. I will add anything that I remember after I get back from the Philippines. True, I did not list everybody in my first responses to you and Janet. I was still at the self-defense, panic stage. I was not yet willing to accept my guilt...which I had managed to put into the back of my mind and hope it would just go away. Much has happened within me in the last three weeks, and I am ready to face it, as I did with my wife two days ago.

1. My first encounter was with XXX in the late 60's., It was in the summer between her junior and senior year in high school, and it was before I was given my Miyake house. We had another house in Tsubota, where 8 high school seniors (recent juniors) (4 boys and 4 girls) acted as teaching assistants to the local English teachers at the three middle schools and one high school on Miyake. I don't remember how it started. The first affectionate encounter I remember was when she gave me a massage one evening during the program. I was attracted to her, and I felt a real affection for her. She came back later in the summer, and it was then, that we had our first sex. We went for a walk to the rocky shore below Tsubota and she masturbated me. I don't remember for sure, but I think I kissed her breasts. I did many times later, because our relationship became deep during her senior year. There was no sexual intercourse but once we put ketchup on each others private parts and licked it off. Much of our relationship was in several visits to the hotel Okura, and lasted about 2 hours. We planned to get married. My former wife had left me and I decided to file for a divorce. She came back, and XXX and I announced to her our decision to get married. XXX went off to college, promising to come back, but, of course, her interests and perspective changed in college and she never came back...but she sent both of her kids to the ASIJ Miyake Program, obviously not expecting me to harm them. She was 17 when the relationship started, and 18 or possibly 19 when it ended.

2. I do not remember her name. I have tried hard. She came to Miyake for a visit with her friends (two of whom he named - can't remember her name but could remember her friends name?) I slept next to her, and I kissed her several times on the lips before we went to sleep on two of the three nights they were there. It was the year that I was given my Miyake house. It was during the rainy season, so it must have been just after school got out. She was a 7th grader, so she was probably 12.

3. XXX I had become attracted to her when she was in 7th grade. My first abuse of XXX was at Miyake during the summer of her 7th grade year. I used to rub and kiss her legs and feet...I slept at the foot of her futon. Once I looked at, but did not touch, her breast. I was too selfish and stupid at the time to know it, but I really, really upset her and hurt her. She told me in two letters some years later how deeply it hurt her. I do not know where she is now. I remember late 60's early 70's as the period this took place.

4. XXX. At the same time as above. The story is almost identical. I fondled and kissed her legs and feet. I later massaged her buttocks, but nothing else. I really had a crush on her, and after she moved (in 8th grade), I wrote to her EVERY day. I visited her at her knew location. It was she who told me that my mother had died (she did not know it was suicide). She also told me to stop writing letters because her sister was "getting suspicious". She threw all of my letters into a culvert during a heavy rainstorm. We never were in contact again after my visit.

5. XXX. I was first attracted to her during the very first Miyake Program. She came back for the summer, when her family traveled around the world. She slept in her bikini, and I used to kiss her all over her body (but never on her genitals, which I never saw). Again, I really had a crush on her. She returned to Miyake until she moved back to the states. I cried as I watched her plane getting smaller in the distance when she left Miyake-jima for the last time.

6. XXX I first met XXX during the Miyake Program at the end of her 7th grade year, I believe. She says that she was 11, I assumed she was 12 because most 7th graders are. Obviously, both 11 and 12 are under 17. It started when she asked if she could steer the car. I let her sit on my lap and steer. She was wearing a T-shirt and no bra. I reached under the T-shirt and fondled her breasts. We did this many times. XXX came to Miyake many times. I remember nothing sexually that happened at night or in bed, but I do clearly remember the fondling of her breasts in the car.

7. XXX It began when she was in grade 8. She was living in a missionary dorm. We would walk my dogs together each morning. She came to my house and knocked on the door. One morning, I wasn't fully dressed when I let her in. I had become attached to her and I suppose I had hugged her previously. At any rate, on this morning, she masturbated me, and it became a daily affair. I would not lock the door. She would just come in in the morning, crawl in bed with me, and masturbate me. I can't remember if oral sex was involved at that time, but I am sure that I must have kissed her breasts. Later, we had very intense oral sex, leading to orgasms for both of us. XXX took a trip to the Yaeyama Islands with me and spent several summers at Miyake, during my lab days (when I was doing my most significant research). Later she moved into my house near ASIJ, and we had periodic sex. Janet asked more details about our recent contact. I had written to XXX in the 1980s and asked her to come and join me. I wanted a permanent relationship with her. But, obviously, she had a child, with school needs, and I had no income and lived on Miyake. It was not in the cards. I met my wife a couple of years later, and my life changed magnificently! Later, XXX called me on the phone and asked me about my pedophile tendencies. I denied them and I probably told her that she was the only one. I was very scared and put up a self-defense shield (much like my first reactions to both of you). I apologized, but I never asked her (until a few days ago) to tell her side of the story. Once, I really hurt her. It was the last time we slept together. I was feeling very sad already, because XXX (who has subsequently passed away) was leaving Miyake. She was married and had been living on Miyake for some time. I was "father of the bride" at their wedding. My relationship with her was clean and totally adult and nonsexual. After intercourse with XXX, I was feeling sad about XXX departure the next day, and I also mentioned that I was feeling sad about XXX departure. This really hurt XXX! I will never forget it! I had no intention of hurting her, and I never should have mentioned my sadness over the departure of another woman (a superb friend, but not a sexual or romantic partner). I suppose this is one of the wounds that I left on XXX. I have asked for XXX story, and I wonder if this particular episode will come up. Last year I sent her a Christmas card. She didn't answer it. On several occasions we had sexual intercourse. The relationship began in early 70's.

8. XXX Late 70's? In her 8th grade year. We were walking my dogs on the golf course. I held her hand. She said, "I know what you want. Let's go back." We went to my house. We both stripped and we embraced for a long time, but we did not fondle or kiss or touch each other, other than the hugging embrace. I remember saying, "Thank God for you."

9. XXX Grade 8, so 13? In the mid- to late 70s. I had coached her basketball team and she had been to Miyake. It was on a field trip to Miyake, but the boat got canceled and we went to the southern Miura Peninsula instead. I slept next to her, hugged her, kissed her, fondled her breasts and even touched her vagina. I had a special liking for her for a long time before that. We never had another encounter,
but she wrote a wonderful letter about me to XXX at the time of the volcano. I suppose she did not understand that I had abused other girls, too.

10. XXX was in high school...late 70's. We had become friends walking my dogs in Tokyo, and I first molested her by fondling her legs and feet. I think she was about 15 at the time. She was older when I did the worst thing to her. We went to Miyake together, and I pressured her into undressing. She protested, but at night we slept side by side, and she masturbated me and I had oral sex with her. I recall no episode when she was 9 years old. Maybe she meant 9th grade. I seriously recall no episode other than those I have told you about. She was under 18 however, in all of our encounters. There were several times when she came to my house after school and I fondled her legs. In my memory, it was after 7th grade, which would have made her older than what you have told me.

11. XXX was my last pedophilic encounter. It happened on a trip to Miyake. I got drunk, which in itself is enough to get me fired from ASIJ. I undressed her and had oral sex with her. She would not touch me and seemed scared. I felt very guilty afterward, and perhaps she was one of the key reasons I swore to myself to change my life. She was in grade 8, I think... maybe as late as early to mid 80's. She wrote me once after she returned to the states a couple of years later. It was a friendly letter. I have no idea what has happened since.

12. XXX...late 70's early 80's. She came to me to ask for help. She had been sexually approached by a high school kid...I don't remember his name. I had a high profile scientist guest at the time, and listened to XXX story outside. We developed a strong bond, starting at that time and continuing when she was having problems at ASIJ. I helped her out and she and her family were very grateful to me. This was the last and the most painful of my relationships with anyone, kids to adults, until I met and married my wife...which was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I did not mention it before, because we had promised each other not to ever tell anyone.

It took about two years before my wife and my pair bond was solid and wonderful. I hated myself and she hated herself. That is not a good combination. But, we healed each other to a large extent...that's another story.

I found my wife. I said earlier in an email that she had truly saved me, and I honestly believe that. There are others towards whom I was attracted, but whom I never abused: XXX - Age 12. I gave her one of the gifts that XXX gave me, with XXX's permission, of course. XXX 13, I touched her legs and feet. Is that abuse? I guess it is. It was at Miyake and I had been giving her diving lessons. XXX, I admired her courage, both as a scuba diver (she was scared of deep water) and as a gymnast. I liked her. I never abused her. XXX (first met at Miyake, when she was 12. She is still my good friend and I sometimes see her. I never abused her in any way. She has become a good marine biologist.

Also friends, in Michele's era XXX, XXX, and XXX I never abused them, but I liked them a lot. XXX and XXX came to visit me several years ago at Miyake. Both were married to criminal lawyers and had families. XXX was considering going back to college to study marine biology. She wrote me a letter later on.

I honestly think that that about covers it. I am thinking about this almost
all of the time. If other things come back to me during my Philippine
trip, I will relate them to you. I am sincerely trying to let it all out. I
had feelings after each of these encounters. I will relate them to you
if you want me to...but they are about me, and not about my victims.
I hope this is a satisfactory beginning. This is frightening, because
people actually do forget. I am really trying to face this and be totally
honest.   Jack

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