Thursday, October 29, 2009

Day Forty-six

So, are you feeling a little sympathetic? Compassionate? Are you feeling forgiveness? Excusing? He didn't really mean to hurt us. He really didn't mean to abuse us. He was just........really screwed up. He didn't know what to do with girls he liked. I know how you are feeling because I felt the same way. At this point I wasn't sure about anything. Earth to Janet........Ok, HE WAS FORTY YEARS OLD!!!!

Since when did eleven, twelve and thirteen year old children have to bear the burden of relieving the emotional pain of a forty year old? How many of you have excused the behavior of a serial killer because of the mental anguish they experienced as a child? How many of you were disgusted and outraged at Michael Vick when he was convicted of dog fighting? Do you not have the same outrage when a child is being molested by an adult? Oh, maybe the word molested isn't strong enough, what about f..ked? I use that graphic term because I don't think that people see it that way. They see innocent Uncle Dan who tried to put his hand under my shirt one time......... Or Aunt Bessie who just hugged me a little bit too long. They don't see a man who was esteemed, taking advantage of young vulnerable girls by luring them into his den and securing an emotional advantage over them.

You may feel more compassion for him as you read on. I hope you will be able to see the manipulation Jack used even till the end. One person asked me, "Do you think he was sincere?" Another asked, "Is this what you hoped for?"

I struggle with both of those questions. I struggled with his reply. I struggled with his sincerity. I didn't know if this was what I hoped for. I really wasn't sure about anything. I was still very scared and didn't know how to respond.


  1. Good! When I asked if you thought he was sincere, it was because it looked like one big manipulation, one very well thought out script to me, but wanted to know what it enticed in you. Rage is a good one..... any ADULT should be able to know what they are doing is right or wrong and it is no excuse to say they were "screwed" up. That is a step in the right direction granted, but it definatly does not make everything just go away.

    I lived with a manipulator for 25 years (as an adult) and it still took me 25 years to figure out how to get away from him. They make you question EVERYTHING about yourself. Your esteem, your values, your goals ~ make you second guess every move you make. Never knowing if you are making the right move or not. So as a child, jeeze, you'd never stand a chance....

    It takes more than mere words to START to make amends, IF amends can ever be really made.

    I understand your wavering at that point, even though you'd been separated from the man and place for a long time, he was/is still able to work to his "magic" and make you wonder what to do. Glad you held strong ~ I'm sure it was/is one of the hardest things you've had to do! lafm

  2. His email response was so repetitive- almost seemed like an attempt to "engrain" (or brain wash) in you, the reader several points- I would not take what he said as sincerity, but still that he is a screwed up individual. - Just my take... D. Emanuel.

  3. I am thinking more something like, maybe two or more things can be true at the same time. The letter to me sounds pretty sincere. yet, it also sounds to me like someone who is scrambling to use some charm to weezle is way out of things. I think he felt some guilt about his actions, but I think he was maybe more disturbed about being caught. Anyway, with this letter, the tables are you, Janet, have the power, and he is the weak victim. And so what do you do with it? And is it the right thing? I will read on (but knowing the ending, especially given that he then took his life, and now two kids in Philippines are without a father, it is quite shocking). I am not saying it wasn't the right thing to keep pushing. The molestation was his doing. The suicide was his doing, not yours. But, life is very complex. It is sad, that there are even more victims, sorry for using that term. It also surprises me that he was always in debt, always owing everyone money. He was both a serial child molester and a very bad manager of money.