This blog is about a lot of different things besides child sexual abuse. It's about intrigue. It's about betrayal. It's about love and about disappointment. It's about Japan culture and Third Culture Kids or TCK's. It's about being totally helpless and hopeless. It's about being as strong as Sampson. It's about international relationships. It's about all this and more.
Copyright 2009 Janet Calcote Simmons All rights reserved.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Anonymous from Day Seventeen
Anonymous from Day Seventeen. I would love to talk with you further. Please contact me either via email jsimmons@hopebr.org or via facebook at:
http://www.facebook.com/jkcsimmons
I went to ASIJ from 1987-1997, and learned about your blog from a teacher I keep in touch with on Facebook. Thank you so much for sharing your story - it needs to be heard. The more voices that are raised to speak out about and against child molestation, the more pressure there will be to make things change. It's imperative that we move beyond today's rape culture and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions, rather than focusing on the victim-blaming non-issues like what girls wear and where they walk at what time of day. I jokingly told a friend that if we all took a deep breath before we left the house every morning and reminded ourselves, "Ok, self, I'm not going to rape anyone today!" we'd be a lot better off -- but really, that's what we should be focusing on. Rape is bad, and it's the rapists' choices that should be condemned and policed, not the victims' (sorry, I know you hate that word!).
I have read through your blog. It is good to know the truth behind things that I never really understood about J.
I was a HS teacher at ASIJ from 1991-2000, and interacted with J for field trips for some of my high school classes that went to Miyake - esp. JUMP and for my Marine Biology & Environmental Science classes. For all of those trips, J was a consultant to me in organizing a field course to Miyake. We paid him a small fee, and stayed in his "lab" house (he never stayed there while we were there). He was a great teacher, and would come over to the house after dinner as a guest lecturer to tell stories and give advice.
After a couple years of doing these field trips, I was asked into the Headmaster's office to be told confidentially that I needed to be very careful in my interactions with J. Under no circumstances, was I to be alone or allow my students to be alone with him. Period. No history, no further explanations. I was actually kind of upset. My interactions with J had been totally professional, and he had been very kind in sharing so much of Miyake with me as a newcomer to Japan and novice field educator. At the time, I couldn't imagine the things I now know. I want you to know that the administration must have heard your concerns, and were acting to protect me and my students. Certainly not the full disclosure that would have been appropriate, and nothing to right the wrongs of the past.
I got a letter from J after I had moved from Japan (maybe 2001-2?) asking for financial assistance. He was depressed and a bit crazy in the letter, and I recognized the signs of mental illness and addiction that I was experiencing at the same time with my own brother, so I chose to ignore the letter to protect myself. I was saddened but not surprised when I heard the news of his death in 2004.
wow, reading through all of the blogs, it was very fascinating. I once had a conversation with classmates about whether the death penalty is proper or not for certain hideous crimes. For example, Nazi's who had helped with the Holocaust and are still being hunted down, though now very old. One side was saying, going after them now is mere vengeance, and is not very Christian. One classmate said, well she is Jewish, not Christian, for what it's worth, and anyway what is wrong with vengeance? Getting vengeance is part of justice, part of our reason for punishment. I honestly question whether in his old age, when you contacted him, that J was still abusing kids. My guess is not. And your motive in going after him, I think your psyche convinced itself that it was to protect other children. But I think the truer deeper motive was vengeance. You hated having to feel life-long pain (the dual pain of having been sexually abused, and the pain of being callously thrown away by the one you were so attached to, so idealized) and to think that he was carrying on his life as normal, no consequences. He sensed that, and tried to say how painful his current life was. He lay down like a dog losing his fight does, exposing his neck, hoping you would have mercy. But you continued to go in for the kill. You wanted vengeance. And I say, that is OK. He had some vengeance coming to him. And you did not cause his suicide. That was his decision. Whether cowardly or not, I don't know. But anyway that was his decision. Not your doing. It is sad about his Philippine kids. It reminds me of that Bible verse that the sins of the fathers are visited upon their children and children's children. My pastor once said he doesn't know why things are that way, but it certainly is accurate, like with kids of drug addicts. Sorry for my comments, which may have seemed hurtful sometimes. But really, my main thought is, bravo for your honesty and transparency. Even with such small items as still feeling hurt that J didn't respond more warmly to you on the boat dock, and how it was the financial aid girl's sassy resopnse to you that really got your engines going and started you on this mission...of getting at the truth, preventing more victims and vengeance. You did what you had to do, and did it honorably.
Wow, Your comments are interesting and a little presumptuous to think that my motives were vengeance. AND you read the entire blog. Just one suggestion: Please do not assume to know my mind or motives, only God can do that. I don't assume to suggest your motives for writing that although I could speculate. If you would like to speak directly with me and discuss this, I'll be open to it. You can reach me via email. If you post on this I'll get an email from you. Please provide contact information. Thanks, Janet
Yes I accept that there is no way that I could really know your motives. Pure speculation, based on reading your incredibly honest and blog. Never ever read anything like it. Most people would write only self-serving stuff. You let it all out, things most people would have chosen not to, various complex mixed private feelings (like being hurt when you tried to greet him on the dock and being hurt that he seemingly didn't remember or mention the middle room part, and how you got angry at the fund raising woman, it makes the whole story so believable and compelling), so that really gives it a ring of truth and makes it credible. As to motive, if it was 100% aimed at protecting other potential victims, and that alone,then what I wrote was factually wrong. Sorry. I didn't have J in 7th grade, so I had no personal tie with him, was never a J fan, I just thought he was very creepy the way he interacted with a very nice and kind young looking HS Japanese teacher who I liked a lot which gave me a very bad impression of him, so for me there is some satisfaction that his past actions came back to haunt him and that he suffered. That he got just a bit of comeuppance for his actions. Not the suicide, which gave him an escape from facing his past and left innocent kids fatherless. But his period of anguish, knowing that things were closing in around him, and that these former 11-13 year old girls who he could charm and play with like silly putty and discard when he was tired or bored with them with no consequences...that they weren't 11-13 years old anymore and weren't just going to meekly walk away in silent pain anymore. So for me, there were some feelings of old testament type justice being done. But as you say, to speculate on your motives is certainly presumptuous. One take-away for me from all of this, is that I have a 10 year old daughter, and it has redoubled my thoughts on the importance of trying to prevent this sort of thing from happening in her life. So in that sense, your blog which I had never known about until just by coincidence I found it this week, is performing a public service.
One other thing, I never knew about this blog despite its explosive, incredible content (especially Day 58 coming from the horses mouth) and it has been up for three years? I think there are a lot of people who don't know about it. It strikes me that you must have been a very inconvenient person to the ASIJ Board, and its corporate sponsors, its PR department etc. From that perspective, and perhaps in polite society, what you should have done is clear.....go to a counselor, get healed up, move on and shut up about it. Rehashing the past won't undo the past. So is that what you do? No, you circulated an e-mail among your class, then put up a public blog, the likes of which I in my admittedly sheltered life have never seen before. I don't know if you ever saw that Macintosh commercial around 1984 based on the Orwell novel 1984 with a young woman running from a bunch of suits and she throws a huge wrench up onto this Big Brother screen refusing to given in to the System. That's the image that comes to mind. Yet the thing is, in all fairness, what could the headmaster or board or anyone do now? And I am sure they are all nice people doing their best to care for the current kids and they weren't even around when J was around. Still, the fact remains, you must have been and perhaps remain a very inconvenient person who should wake up, smell the coffee, and slink away in silence. There are just so many angles to this, I am kind of astonished that these screens are exploding with a bunch of comments and some heated controversy.
Thank you again, Janet, for writing this.
ReplyDeleteJanet,
ReplyDeleteI went to ASIJ from 1987-1997, and learned about your blog from a teacher I keep in touch with on Facebook. Thank you so much for sharing your story - it needs to be heard. The more voices that are raised to speak out about and against child molestation, the more pressure there will be to make things change. It's imperative that we move beyond today's rape culture and hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions, rather than focusing on the victim-blaming non-issues like what girls wear and where they walk at what time of day. I jokingly told a friend that if we all took a deep breath before we left the house every morning and reminded ourselves, "Ok, self, I'm not going to rape anyone today!" we'd be a lot better off -- but really, that's what we should be focusing on. Rape is bad, and it's the rapists' choices that should be condemned and policed, not the victims' (sorry, I know you hate that word!).
Aloha Janet,
ReplyDeleteI have read through your blog. It is good to know the truth behind things that I never really understood about J.
I was a HS teacher at ASIJ from 1991-2000, and interacted with J for field trips for some of my high school classes that went to Miyake - esp. JUMP and for my Marine Biology & Environmental Science classes. For all of those trips, J was a consultant to me in organizing a field course to Miyake. We paid him a small fee, and stayed in his "lab" house (he never stayed there while we were there). He was a great teacher, and would come over to the house after dinner as a guest lecturer to tell stories and give advice.
After a couple years of doing these field trips, I was asked into the Headmaster's office to be told confidentially that I needed to be very careful in my interactions with J. Under no circumstances, was I to be alone or allow my students to be alone with him. Period. No history, no further explanations. I was actually kind of upset. My interactions with J had been totally professional, and he had been very kind in sharing so much of Miyake with me as a newcomer to Japan and novice field educator. At the time, I couldn't imagine the things I now know. I want you to know that the administration must have heard your concerns, and were acting to protect me and my students. Certainly not the full disclosure that would have been appropriate, and nothing to right the wrongs of the past.
I got a letter from J after I had moved from Japan (maybe 2001-2?) asking for financial assistance. He was depressed and a bit crazy in the letter, and I recognized the signs of mental illness and addiction that I was experiencing at the same time with my own brother, so I chose to ignore the letter to protect myself. I was saddened but not surprised when I heard the news of his death in 2004.
He was a sick man, in so many ways.
Peace and Light to you.
Melora Purell
HS Science teacher 1991-2000
wow, reading through all of the blogs, it was very fascinating. I once had a conversation with classmates about whether the death penalty is proper or not for certain hideous crimes. For example, Nazi's who had helped with the Holocaust and are still being hunted down, though now very old. One side was saying, going after them now is mere vengeance, and is not very Christian. One classmate said, well she is Jewish, not Christian, for what it's worth, and anyway what is wrong with vengeance? Getting vengeance is part of justice, part of our reason for punishment. I honestly question whether in his old age, when you contacted him, that J was still abusing kids. My guess is not. And your motive in going after him, I think your psyche convinced itself that it was to protect other children. But I think the truer deeper motive was vengeance. You hated having to feel life-long pain (the dual pain of having been sexually abused, and the pain of being callously thrown away by the one you were so attached to, so idealized) and to think that he was carrying on his life as normal, no consequences. He sensed that, and tried to say how painful his current life was. He lay down like a dog losing his fight does, exposing his neck, hoping you would have mercy. But you continued to go in for the kill. You wanted vengeance. And I say, that is OK. He had some vengeance coming to him. And you did not cause his suicide. That was his decision. Whether cowardly or not, I don't know. But anyway that was his decision. Not your doing. It is sad about his Philippine kids. It reminds me of that Bible verse that the sins of the fathers are visited upon their children and children's children. My pastor once said he doesn't know why things are that way, but it certainly is accurate, like with kids of drug addicts. Sorry for my comments, which may have seemed hurtful sometimes. But really, my main thought is, bravo for your honesty and transparency. Even with such small items as still feeling hurt that J didn't respond more warmly to you on the boat dock, and how it was the financial aid girl's sassy resopnse to you that really got your engines going and started you on this mission...of getting at the truth, preventing more victims and vengeance. You did what you had to do, and did it honorably.
ReplyDeleteWow, Your comments are interesting and a little presumptuous to think that my motives were vengeance. AND you read the entire blog. Just one suggestion: Please do not assume to know my mind or motives, only God can do that. I don't assume to suggest your motives for writing that although I could speculate. If you would like to speak directly with me and discuss this, I'll be open to it. You can reach me via email. If you post on this I'll get an email from you. Please provide contact information. Thanks, Janet
DeleteYes I accept that there is no way that I could really know your motives. Pure speculation, based on reading your incredibly honest and blog. Never ever read anything like it. Most people would write only self-serving stuff. You let it all out, things most people would have chosen not to, various complex mixed private feelings (like being hurt when you tried to greet him on the dock and being hurt that he seemingly didn't remember or mention the middle room part, and how you got angry at the fund raising woman, it makes the whole story so believable and compelling), so that really gives it a ring of truth and makes it credible. As to motive, if it was 100% aimed at protecting other potential victims, and that alone,then what I wrote was factually wrong. Sorry. I didn't have J in 7th grade, so I had no personal tie with him, was never a J fan, I just thought he was very creepy the way he interacted with a very nice and kind young looking HS Japanese teacher who I liked a lot which gave me a very bad impression of him, so for me there is some satisfaction that his past actions came back to haunt him and that he suffered. That he got just a bit of comeuppance for his actions. Not the suicide, which gave him an escape from facing his past and left innocent kids fatherless. But his period of anguish, knowing that things were closing in around him, and that these former 11-13 year old girls who he could charm and play with like silly putty and discard when he was tired or bored with them with no consequences...that they weren't 11-13 years old anymore and weren't just going to meekly walk away in silent pain anymore. So for me, there were some feelings of old testament type justice being done. But as you say, to speculate on your motives is certainly presumptuous. One take-away for me from all of this, is that I have a 10 year old daughter, and it has redoubled my thoughts on the importance of trying to prevent this sort of thing from happening in her life. So in that sense, your blog which I had never known about until just by coincidence I found it this week, is performing a public service.
ReplyDeleteOne other thing, I never knew about this blog despite its explosive, incredible content (especially Day 58 coming from the horses mouth) and it has been up for three years? I think there are a lot of people who don't know about it. It strikes me that you must have been a very inconvenient person to the ASIJ Board, and its corporate sponsors, its PR department etc. From that perspective, and perhaps in polite society, what you should have done is clear.....go to a counselor, get healed up, move on and shut up about it. Rehashing the past won't undo the past. So is that what you do? No, you circulated an e-mail among your class, then put up a public blog, the likes of which I in my admittedly sheltered life have never seen before. I don't know if you ever saw that Macintosh commercial around 1984 based on the Orwell novel 1984 with a young woman running from a bunch of suits and she throws a huge wrench up onto this Big Brother screen refusing to given in to the System. That's the image that comes to mind. Yet the thing is, in all fairness, what could the headmaster or board or anyone do now? And I am sure they are all nice people doing their best to care for the current kids and they weren't even around when J was around. Still, the fact remains, you must have been and perhaps remain a very inconvenient person who should wake up, smell the coffee, and slink away in silence. There are just so many angles to this, I am kind of astonished that these screens are exploding with a bunch of comments and some heated controversy.
ReplyDeletesurprised that is that these screens are NOT exploding with comments, forgot to type NOT
ReplyDelete