Sunday, October 11, 2009

Day Thirty-four - Truth is truth whether you believe it or not

I just got back from about a 6 mile trek on the island. I started down the street in front of our house and began running, walking and crying. That just came up from nowhere. I did not expect that. I started feeling emotions of despair and intense sorrow. I almost turned around to go back to the house but determination and prayer kept me going. I silently sang several songs that provided strength. I need thee oh I need thee…… every moment I need thee…… Dear refuge of my weary soul.

I went all the way down to the bird sanctuary by road - about 2 ½ miles from the house. I then ran through the bird sanctuary on the boardwalk attempting to keep from being bitten by mosquitoes, abducted by the boogie man or grabbed by the infamous troll under the bridge. The bird sanctuary is really beautiful but sort of scary when you are alone.

The boardwalk goes around through the trees and the pond. Many migratory birds land on Dauphin Island on their way to or from where ever they are supposed to go. When I referenced the illegally cut pine tree in our yard in an earlier post, it’s because Dauphin Island is protected (we didn’t know about our own pine trees until we cut some down and received a visit from the town hall rep). Oops. I finally made it to the beach and started walking back on the shore line.

It’s amazing to me that I’m on another island so far away from Miyake recounting my story. Thank God I wasn’t robbed of my enjoyment of the water and coast. Several memories came up while I was on this long trek. As I walked down the beach I passed several people shell hunting, fishing or just enjoying the beauty of nature. The sky was blue sprinkled with white clouds. There was a breeze coming from the north stirring up the waters that were filled with pelicans patiently waiting for their breakfast.

I passed behind a house that was literally in the water. Remembering a time when my husband and kids were down here one weekend. We were walking on this same part of the beach and crossed a boardwalk that some individual had erected going to the water. My youngest son stopped on the boardwalk and proceeded to relieve himself in the ocean. He was probably around 9 years old. My husband and I had walked ahead of the kids so weren’t involved in the following altercation. This lady came out and yelled at my daughter and her then boyfriend to “get your son off of my property or I’m going to call the police.” It was really funny because she was so frustrated that this 9 year old had stood on her boardwalk and peed in the ocean. Threatening to call the police - what was she going to say - “There is a 9 year old peeing off my boardwalk, come and arrest him.” We had fun with that the rest of the walk.

The house in the water reminded me of a song I grew up with about the foolish man building his house upon the sand. The other part of that song is the wise man built his house upon the rock. The Rock is what helped get me through this morning.

I really didn’t realize this would affect me like it has. In fact I'm a little bit shocked. I thought I was well beyond this kind of emotion. I hate the word “healing” so I guess I’ll call it inconceivable grace and profound mercy. If you don’t know what I’m referencing but want to please ask me. It never ceases to amaze me how much God loves me. As I continued down the beach seeing his incredible handiwork, I thought about how although I’ve never seen the face of God - if so I would surely die!! - I continue to see the amazing creation unfolding around me. The shore line was littered with jelly fish every few feet or so. Some were really small, about 2 inches in diameter and one was so big I couldn’t believe it.

The jelly fish reminded me of a time I was at Miyake and we decided to go swimming. We went down to the pier and the water was really rough. Just about the time J ack yelled at us to stop, we jumped in, right into a swarm of Portuguese Man O War. We got out of that water as fast as we could. It is amazing that none of the kids died while at the island. There was all kinds of stuff like that going on.

I’m going to attempt to get to the end of October today and then close out until I get back to Baton Rouge. I could stay here for a week but family and work beckon.

On October 20, 2003 I received an email from another teacher.

Dear Janet,

My heart wept when I read your letter, forwarded by (the other teacher I had contacted). I had no idea that such sinful, hurtful, abusive behavior was going on. I will ask your permission to go directly to our new headmaster. He is a wonderful person, spiritual and compassionate. I feel he should be aware of the past abuses and he could gather any information you require about Mr. Moyer's involvement with ASIJ and beyond. My prayers will be for you and him. Please let me know if I may proceed and what information you would like to have. I have not spoken to Mr. Moyer for years. He owes me a lot of money, so he doesn’t want to contact me.

I responded.

Thank you for contacting me. I have been mulling over for several weeks now how I would like to approach the new headmaster. Although I did not meet him at the reunion I heard about his qualifications and his seemingly kind demeanor from a friend. I would prefer to contact him myself and would appreciate any support I can get from you in doing so. I will copy you on my letter to him.

There are many things I have yet to discover and or uncover regarding this entire situation. You may be able to fill in some gaps for me and in addition help me identify other people who are suffering from the life long abuse I have experienced.

I’d like to ask you some specific questions and would appreciate it if you would let me know if that is okay. Knowing how hard it is to think about these things, I do not automatically assume that you would be forthcoming in your memories or facts about certain things.

Please allow me to give you an update on the current situation. This is information that I have garnered since I emailed the other teacher. I have three or possibly more eye witnesses to my sexual abuse by this man. This was something I was unaware of until this past Monday. It was excruciatingly difficult to read the account of his abuse against me observed by others. However, it does provide hard evidence against him and not just my word. I have also received more information about his meanderings concerning Japanese men and his attempt to provide young American girls for some local Japanese business men. I will account that in more detail at a later time.

Back to current time - Sunday, October 11, 2009 - Dauphin Island. I just spoke to my sister and broke down and sobbed. I didn’t realize I still had this much emotion in me about this. Feelings of being completely alone, shame, intense sorrow, and despair don’t even describe what I’m feeling. I’m scared and lonely. Wishing all of this would go away - wishing I never had to experience this - wishing, just wishing for peace. What is peace? Peace to me is the knowledge of being protected from evil - knowing there is something or someone there protecting me.

I’m done for now.

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